The past few weeks we have been painting pumpkins and creating traditions with our Kids Hope kids in the classroom. Two weeks ago "J", a little kindergartener in Foster Care, gave his beloved and bright colored pumpkin to a 6th grader. A free gift of his hard work. He was beaming.
The next week "E" the 6th grader who received "Js" gift with joy, worked the whole hour creating a cartoon face on her pumpkin. She too knows the pain and separation of Foster Care. She too, in a generous move given freely by someone who knows what it means to lose everything, gave her pumpkin to "J". The two embraced, smiling widely, showing all of us "church people" what the Kingdom of God looks like.
"Those who are marginal in the world are central in the Church, and that is how it is supposed to be! Thus we are called as members of the Church to keep going to the margins of our society. The homeless, the starving, parentless children, people with AIDS, our emotionally disturbed brothers and sisters - they require our first attention.
You Just Never Know...
Ten years ago our church secretary, Peggy, started mentoring a 1st grader named Jacob. She called me yesterday to say that this “little boy” (now a High School student) and his mother had stopped by her house to check in. The family moves often, and mom changes her cellphone number almost as often as she changes clothes, so they had been out of touch for several years.
Jacob's mother said he had been begging to stop by and check in on Peggy for months, since she was “getting old”. Jacob asked if she still made brownies, and she immediately gave him what was left in the pan in her kitchen.
“You just never know what they’re taking in, and what they’ll remember,” Peggy said. This is important since many of their mentoring sessions took place with Jacob hiding under the desk or completely disengaged from learning. Yet still, he was taking in the love…which is where all learning begins. Mother Teresa said, “before a child will eat, they have to know they are loved.” And I’ve observed the same to be true about learning, before a child can learn they need to know they are loved, that someone cares about them. Peggy communicated her love to Jacob by showing up each week for the next six years, by bringing brownies to celebrate his special accomplishments, and writing him notes in the summer to let him know she was missing him and looking forward to the start of school in the fall.
“You just never know,” she repeated again. And it's in the the "not knowing" God keeps us humble, depending on and trusting in him and his ways, as his slow moving kingdom advances one little heart at a time.
Blooming with Hope
Our theme in the Kids Hope classroom for the month of March was hope. Each mentor and child received a clay pot, dug their hands in the dirt, and poked three round holes with their fingers for nasturtium seeds. Mentors and kids watered and checked in on their seedlings each week, discussing what it looks like to hope: that the outcome is not guaranteed, and that sometimes it’s as fun to hope for our own things as it is to be hopeful for others. We talked about how hard it is to wait for things we want, but that growth, like hope, often takes time. Now as we turn toward April and the seedlings lining our classroom windows reach toward the sun with all their might, we hope for blossoms.
The same is true in our journey with our students, most of them face challenges that can’t be “fixed” and don’t heal quickly. Growth and change don’t happen overnight…but often we catch glimpse of little green sprouts poking out of the darkness (children stringing together letters into words, and words into sentences, kids processing difficult issues with friends on the yard and using manners their mentors have modeled, kids growing in confidence and joy as they learn) and sometimes we suddently notice a bright beautiful bloom.
With the end of the school year fast approaching I thought it would be a good reminder for us to share these words from Oscar Romero: We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing this. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning.
As we wind down this school year, I'm reminded that really this is just a beginning. We are seed planters in this ministry of Kids Hope, not the master gardner.
"The person who looks for quick results in the seed planting of well-doing will be disappointed. If I want potatoes for dinner tomorrow, it will do me little good to go out and plant potatoes in my garden tonight. There are long stretches of darkness and invisibility and silence that separate planting and reaping. During the stretches of waiting there is cultivating and weeding and nurturing and planting still other seeds." -Traveling Light
Hope Kid
As mentors and kids filed into the Kids Hope classroom at Eagle Rock Elementary this week, high-fiving and catching up on the important details that had taken place in the last seven days since they'd seen each other, I saw a little guy sit down at his desk, lean into his mentor and say, "I love being a hope kid".
I'm so grateful that our church believed in creating a space like this in our neighborhood--believed in going out the doors of the church to our local public school to connect with families who would never come through the church doors on their own--believed in the power of relationships to infuse a life with hope.
This little boy and his family are now a regular part of our church community. Every Sunday he attends Kids Church while the rest of his family attend the 11:15 North service. It turns out, hope is contagious, and not just for the kids!
Hope for next year?
As we approach the end of the school year we talk a lot about having a "good goodbye" with our kids (many of whom have had no control over the difficult goodbyes in their lives). After talking with her mentor, one of our second graders found me at lunch the following day and tugged on my sleeve. "Ms. Sarah, do I get to have a hope next year?" she asked with her eyes and heart as much as her words. And while I know she forgot that difficult word 'mentor'...I think her words reflected the bigger question on her heart. And thankfully, because of our wonderful volunteers, and her mentor in particular, I could answer this question truthfully. "Yes Fernanda, yes, you will have a hope next year" (and every year...).
Found His Way Back
This week a 7th grader (who was part of Kids Hope for three years and then homeschooled for 6th grade) found his way to our new Kids Hope classroom. Since we're in a new room we’ve never been in before, he had to work to figure out where we were meeting.
He entered the room with a sheepish shrug and was like “hey, I just came by to see if Ulises or Michael are still mentoring?” He’d gotten in trouble at school, and the people he sought out were his previous Kids Hope mentors. The fact that he found his way back to us, to this place where he had a sense of belonging, to say “Am I ok?" feels so significant. Even though he's in trouble, this is the place he thought to return to. He’s not a kid that loved Kids Hope or ever took things very seriously (he was more the type to be like ‘I’m not wearing my Kids Hope t-shirt”) but somehow he felt loved enough that he found his way back when it mattered. And I feel like that’s often what we need to do with God too--that we could believe we are loved enough to find our way back to Him (again and again).
God Orchestrated Connection!
What a revelation happened last night! K's mom and I talked for over an hour about him possibly being retained: pros, cons, making the right choice for each child, etc. During this process, I referred to my own personal experiences with my kids, as well as several friends. His mom mentioned that she had grown up in Glendale and attended the same schools that my kids did. All of the sudden she made a connection:
She had been a TA for my son Adam (my oldest who is on the Autism spectrum)!
Wow! We were both in shock! This gave us a connection at a new level and she opened up about herself in new ways, which shed light on her hopes and fears for K.
I feel that God truly orchestrated this connection, that she taught my son and now I'm mentoring her son!
Reflecting on reaching a decade...
It’s hard to believe we've made it to the 10 year mark since the first Kids Hope mentor stepped foot on Eagle Rock Elementary’s campus (that was Budd Christopher on January 30th, 2008). Our youngest students from that school year are now in 11th grade. There are now 14 programs in the state of CA (we were the first - in Los Angeles!)
It has been a great privilege to be part of this ministry, I have learned so much and been shaped so profoundly that it would be impossible to capture it all one blog post…so as I’ve been reflecting tonight here are 10 things that come to mind:
1-Relationships, not programs, change lives.
2-Anything worth doing, is worth doing well. (But perfection and excellence are not the same thing, and the difference between the two can be catastrophic.)
3- There is an art to being a creative thinker and problem-solver. It's not about having a perfect plan, but about having a willingness to flex and learn: what works for one kid one week, doesn't work the next week, or doesn’t work for another kid. We are always being challenged to grow and adapt and meet the kids where they are, not where we think they should be (and often not how we think it would best happen). Related: it is better to be kind than to be right.
4- Meaningful lasting change takes commitment and perseverance…a long obedience in the same direction. Many people say that they want to affect this type of change with their lives, but few people are in it for the long haul. The mentors who stay with their child year after year have shown me the transformation that is only possible over time.
5- The work of becoming neighbors means we must “cross the road” for each other: we must spend time with people who do not look like us, speak like us, believe like us. This is uncomfortable and awkward at times. But it is clearer to me now than it has ever been…separation, segregation, stereotypes, these are not bridged with more “information/knowledge” they are traversed through relationships. Trust, especially between those perceived as “different” is built slowly, intentionally, vulnerably, and takes a long time; but it can be done.
6. Our amazing volunteers have taught me that when the world feels dark, there is still some good out there: look for the helpers, recruit them, ask for them, and you will find them.
7. Our amazing kiddos have taught me so much about resilience; that where there is suffering and brokenness and God, there can be joy. Legit, transcendent joy.
8. I’ve witnessed over and over the transformative power of mutuality…that mentors grow and are changed just as significantly as the kids. I’ve learned this myself as the last 10 years have been full of personal grief: big things like the Haiti earthquake, my torn ACL, the death of my mother, the death of Budd (our first mentor)—and smaller disappointments, dashed hopes, and dreams; and yet so often our kids and mentors served me, supported me, and cheered me during those trials. I am better for it. Life is better, albeit messier, together.
9. I’ve learned that the needs are always greater than what we have to offer, and to trust that….to see it as an opportunity to witness how God will provide - these are ultimately his kids, this is ultimately his program. I have my small role to play but the “success” or “failure” of Kids Hope does not ultimately rest on my shoulders.
10. Only love expressing itself through action really matters to those outside the church; and love is less words, more action. “Christian” is primarily a descriptive word that is ascribed to us by others. Before calling myself one, I must humble myself and try as much as possible to be like Jesus. If I think I’m living my faith out well, but those around me don’t experience it that way, then I’ve got some work to do…
I am so indebted and grateful to the hundreds of mentors, kids, families, and volunteers who have believed in this mission to love our neighbors well. This program would not be possible without them.